Getting old sucks.
So my best guy friend from high school (practically my brother at that point) and his girlfriend (who was also a friend of mine in high school) are getting married. When they started “going out” 7 years ago, right after high school graduation, I never imagined they’d make it this long let alone get married. Get married? That’s such a mature decision! Isn’t it??
One by one, friends of my past are popping up with engagements. Can someone tell me when the fuck we started to be old enough to get married?!? Yes, I know technically it could happen at 18 but really. Seriously. How are these people ready to get married?! How are they so sure of FOREVER?
I’m definitely in the middle of a quarter life crisis at 25, and with every engagement/wedding/new baby I see, I clutch even harder to the years where we weren’t old enough to make the kind of decisions people my age (and younger) are willingly making. I haven’t been able to grasp the fact that my simpler years are behind me. They’re dead. What I have been able to grasp is that like any death or loss, I’m responding to these changes in the standard stages of grief.
With every engagement I hear, I think to myself “No way. There’s NO WAY they’re engaged.” I will see photos on facebook, status changes, a million congratulatory remarks and have friends buzzing about it but I never want to believe it’s true. In my head, I’m barely old enough to make my own decisions let alone have friends that are old and mature enough to get married. Or even worse, have kids. What’s wrong with you people? We’re still young! We can still be free! No more of this nonsense!
Then after I’m done denying the fact people are actually deciding to move on with their lives like they should be. I just get pissed. What the fuck is wrong with you? Why would you make the decision to get married? Do you know there’s a 50/50 chance this will end in divorce? Why are YOU getting married? I would never thought YOU would get married before I got married. I can’t believe it. This is stupid. So stupid. God, you bunch of happy assholes. Say goodbye to your FUN SINGLE LIFE! I’ll be over trying to look like I’m enjoying mine!
Most of the time my “bargaining” consists of me just asking whoever is up there to let me go back in time. Before everyone started getting so damn serious. Why can’t it be like the old days? Why can’t we just have month long relationships that end over your boyfriend going to the mall with that slut from his math class? Why can’t we just forget we ever reached this point and go back to when it was more fun and you didn’t have to worry if it was going to be weird hanging out with your friends who are now married. Ugh.
This is where things get ugly. I know I *want* to grow up, but I’m not going to be marrying my high school sweetheart because my boyfriend in high school was a loser. I just want to be loved, too!! I WANT TO GET MARRIED AND HAVE BABIES! WHYYYYyyyyyy can’t I? Why even get out of bed? I’m just going to die a dog lady (*note DOG, not cat). I’ll send people christmas cards with me and my dogs because that’s all that’s ever going to happen. I hate my life. My dumb, boring, stupid, single life void of happiness and affection and all those things those stupid engaged/married couples have. Wahhh.
Umm, If you’ve think I’ve reached this point yet, you’re crazy.
Okay I guess that’s not totally true. Part of me is happy for them. I guess that’s a form of acceptance, right? Am I the only one dealing with this?