Word From the B: High School Means Nothing.

“The chorus of “Jack and Diane” is: Oh yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone. Are you kidding me? The thrill of living was high school? Come on, Mr. Cougar Mellencamp. Get a life.”

– Mindy Kaling, “Is Everyone Hnging Out Without Me?”

Like most stories, this starts with me sitting in front of the TV on a week night with a pint of ice cream in my hand.  Just kidding, but kind of.

LiLo was once popular too…now look at her career!

The movie Mean Girls was playing on TV and I *happened* (yes, happened) to get sucked in.  I hadn’t watched the movie in years, but it’s pretty much the same as most teen movies, right?  Underdog comes in contact with alphadog in some way or another, there is some sort of conflict, maybe underdog rises to alphadog status or maybe they don’t.  Either way, it all comes down to the cliques all of us knew and hated (or loved, if you were popular) because most of us in America have lived it.  The dreaded high school.

This is my advice to kids in high school:  High School Doesn’t Mean Sh*t.

Seriously, kids.  It doesn’t.  The only thing you should worry about is getting good grades if you want to go to college, and to be honest, that’s not hard.  Just do your homework, get your shit turned in, and get good grades.  That’s all.  Well, and maybe learning a *little* social skills. Knowing how to be social is just an important life skill unless you want to spend the rest of your life playing WoW in your mom’s basement eating cheetos and getting fat a la Cartman & Crew (OK, my nerd is showing).  You know why?  Because after you’ve entered college, after you’ve met tons of a new people from different walks of life, no one is going to give a shit if you were the captain of the cheerleading squad or the girl sitting alone eating her lunch.  Trust me.

After high school, you have complete control of what happens in your life and you can do anything you want to make that happen.  You’ll get into college or whatever you do and start going towards your goal with like-minded people who are all over the high-school thing, too.  You’ll be treated like an individual instead of cattle, marked and herded into a group everyone else wants you to be in.

I know this seems cliche, but do you want to know what happened with some of the girls I went to high school with that were “popular”?  Some got knocked-up before they were 20 with douchebag boyfriends who left them, some of them got full-ride athletic scholarships just to be hosting at local restaurants or retail after graduation, and some became total burnouts.  Yes, some of them seem to be succeeding in life – not all of them are going to crash and burn without the support of high school, but the important thing to note is that YOU can succeed, too.

Some of the nerdiest girls became adorable fashionistas, failures became published writers, fatties became hotties, and girls who wore sweatshirts everyday (me) found out how to dress appropriately (most of the time, anyway).

So little kiddos, if you’re out there and reading this…know that it really doesn’t matter what happens now.  When you’re 18 and on your own – you can go wherever you want and be whoever you want to be.

In the words of Awesome Ms. Mindy Kaling, actress and author of “Is everyone Hanging Out Without Me?”

“Teenage girls, please don’t worry about being super popular in high school, or being the best actress in high school, or the best athlete. Not only do people not care about any of that the second you graduate, but when you get older, if you reference your successes in high school too much, it actually makes you look kind of pitiful, like some babbling old Tennessee Williams character with nothing else going on in her current life. What I’ve noticed is that almost no one who was a big star in high school is also big star later in life. For us overlooked kids, it’s so wonderfully fair.”

And you’ll also eventually realize, no matter what you do or what other people do after high school, you don’t really give a shit.  Who cares if that girl that was a bitch to me lives a beautiful life in L.A. with bad tattoos on her hands? She’s doing her thing, I’m doing mine, and I’ll never be in a situation where I’ll be forced to stare at her fake face.  I only have to be forced to stare at other fake faces in my current job.

Yep, post-high school life is pretty sweet.

xoxo weirdos,


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