All About B.: Wanna Fight?
Everyone has two sides to them. Unless your Sheldon Cooper, you’re most likely not going to be completely black and white on every subject. Despite hating gray so much, I am also no exception to this. Among friends, family and coworkers — I usually try to keep peace. When it comes to watching other people that I love, I always want to try help them find a middle ground, give them the other perspective, and at least persuade them agree to disagree, hug and makeup.
So why is it that in my romantic relationships, I crave conflict?
Let me start by giving you some B. background. While I have a big heart, a tendency to be giving and an ability to empathize with the best of them. However, there’s another side of me that can be very cold, cutting and attracted to pushing all the wrong buttons. I’ve been told by many that I have a quick wit. It helps me make people laugh – which is something I really love to do, but it also helps me cut a person down quicker than you can say “what a B.!”
In addition to the lovely faults I just gave you, I am also very assertive, hardworking, straightforward and honest. I have a strong personality which is why my mom has always said “God help the man that marries you. He’s not going to be able to have a spine.”
The hell he won’t.
Talking to someone I used to date (who is now just a good friend) the other day, he shed some light on me that I had never realized before. He said that I needed conflict. I needed someone to stand up for themselves. I need someone who could put me in my place. Tame the shrew, so to speak. He was absolutely right.
Am I crazy to need conflict in my relationships? Am I crazy that without it, I get bored? Wouldn’t needing someone with a strong personality just mean an explosive relationship? It’s no doubt that I’ve had my share of explosive relationships but looking back, those were the ones I was most committed to, despite the ups and downs. Then I remembered something important. My first heartbreak! Remember him? I told you I’d get back to him, didn’t I?
Long story short: We ended up being friends in high school – very close friends. We were practically attached at the hip during school and after school. We never officially dated but despite that, whenever I’m asked who my first love is – he’s there. Our relationship evokes so many good memories and visions of how I want the person I spend the rest of my life to be with. Sure, we had conflict. All the time! But in no way was it unhealthy or turbulent. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s how we got along so well. We bickered constantly, raised our voices and got called the old married couple by all of our friends. But it was in jest. In fun. We loved it and it was humor to us instead of headache.
What it boils down to is that wit I was talking about earlier. I need someone who can keep up with my humor, sarcasm and wit. Someone who can banter. Someone to keep me entertained now and when I get into my old age. The only reason my explosive relationships were explosive is that the sense of humor was not there — they were offended by my jokes (which in reality — if I joke about you to your face, it’s a GOOD sign) or I got irritated by their sensitivity so I just pushed the buttons more. Being addicted to conflict does not always mean the bad kind. Not at all. And just because I’m a “Power-Bitch” or an “Alpha-Female”, a “Type-A” or anything else I’ve been called — doesn’t mean I have to end up with someone who will bend over backwards for me who just takes what I have to say without throwing it back at me — all because they fear me. Where’s the fire in that? Where’s the fun? Challenge me, damnit!
I know most of you think it’s God-Awful, but one of my guilty pleasures are the Housewives series by Bravo. Beverly Hills is probably my favorite group. One of the wives (Adrienne), and her husband (Paul) remind me exactly of how me and Mr. first heartbreak/first love and I were and what ultimately, I’ll need to have. I even gave you a clip to show you what I’m talking about!
The point is – I know as crazy as it sounds – it’s really not that crazy. I like another take-charge personality. I like someone to compliment me, not drown in my personality. Someone who can keep up. So if you’re like me, I feel you!
And sorry MOM, but the man who marries me is going to be awesome, not spineless. I don’t pick no pansies!