If I Was Your…Girlfriend.
As I’ve mentioned time and time again within the last six months — I’m not exactly sure if I want a boyfriend. OK – maybe I want one and needing one is a different story. I’m torn, really. I want one but I know I’m not ready for one. I’m in a crazy, unsettled place in life that I’m not entirely happy with and I’m not entirely happy with myself. I mean honestly – how is anyone going to make me happy if I can’t make myself happy?
Anywho — though I’ve put the boyfriend search off for a few more months (or years) while I mold myself into the person I want to be, there are still times when I wish I could snap my fingers and have my own Brian Tee or Jason Segel show up. So, I’ve compiled a list of the times in which I really wish I had a man.
1. When you’re getting hit on by a drunk in a bar.
You know the guy. He comes up to you, words slurring and eyes not being able to focus on any one part of you. He has lost his sense of a bubble so he and his face are practically an inch from yours, hand on your back, trying to talk you into going home with him and no matter how many times you tell him to shove it, he still stands there swaying back and forth telling you how beautiful you are. It’s times like these I wish I had someone to either a) keep these people away or b) swoop in and tell them to kindly step off.
2. When you get asked out by someone and you don’t want to tell them the truth.
It’s just so much easier to say “sorry! I have a boyfriend but thaaaanks!”
3.When I see a couple walking down the street holding hands.
I don’t know why, but holding hands (to me) has to be the sweetest thing, ever. When I see couples walking down the street hand in hand, I think, “awww! I want that!”. Then wish I was holding someone’s hand so we could play chicken walking down the street with the other couple — seeing who would break first. (If my hypothetical boyfriend broke first, I’d kill him! We play to WIN!)
4. When I go to bed at night.
Sometimes while I’m piling all my blankets around me when I get into bed I think It wish I had arms around me instead. I know, I’m getting too sappy. I even feel like puking at myself right now.
5. When I want to dance to John Legend in my kitchen.
Come on now, how unsexy is that to do alone?! Or weird…
6. When I show up to a work event alone. Again.
7. When I want a massage after a crappy work day.
Somehow, having a pet walk on your back doesn’t have the same effect…
8. When I want to cook for someone.
Cooking for people makes my life, and it’s my true token of appreciation to those I care about. A fed man makes me a happy girl.
9. On New Years Eve.
I’ve always maintained that New Years Eve is more worse for single people than Valentines Day. I mean, you can always lock yourself in the house during Valentines Day or go out with your man-hating friends but on New Years Eve, everyone expects you to go out. Having no one to kiss at midnight while the poly-amorous trio next to you makes out together? Depressing.
10. When your coworker gets a surprise delivery of flowers to the office.
Green with envy. Seriously.
11. When you get tired of driving.
I mean, I love driving and all, but I’m sick of it. When I take a road trip, I don’t want to drive anymore! I want to ride passenger! I want to be able to look out the window and not road-rage and get stressed out by whatever/whoever is on the road.
There has to be many more that I’m not thinking of right now. In fact I already have some more popping into my head but they’re either too embarrassing/sappy/ridiculous to say (as if the dancing in the kitchen one wasn’t).
Any of you out there have contributions that could be made to this list? I’m I the only crazy person to make lists like these?