Don’t Stick Your D*ck in Crazy.
This is a lesson for all you who possess a penis, fathered or mothered someone with one, know one, or plan to have one. Let it be known if you have one, and be sure to pass the message along to those that do: Don’t stick your dick in crazy. This message gets passed out among guys who sleep with girls who have crazy attachment issues, but trust me – it could be worse.
There is a friend of mine, that for over 10 years I’ve referred to as my baby brother. Over the last 10+ years, we’ve spent a lot of time growing up and waving in and out of total involvement in each others lives. No matter where we are in life and no matter how long it’s been since we’ve talked – when we do, we can go right back as if no time had passed. He knows if he ever needs anything he can call me, and vice versa. No matter what.
He had never had a girlfriend, despite me spending quite a bit of time in high school trying to set him up with my friends. I remember sitting in a class with a friend of mine and trying to tell her that she needed to date him. She hemmed and hawed (as did he) and nothing ever came about it.
A few years after high school ended, I had a pretty big party at my house. To my surprise, after both he and this friend had arrived, I found out that they had been seeing each other. At first I was happy. “I tried setting you guys up!!” But as the hours of the night wore on I realized that this was all wrong. She was high maintenance, pushy, and bossy. They proceeded to get into a fight at my house in which she pulled me in the bathroom to bitch about. I immediately ran outside to my baby bro and told him “Don’t do this. She’s crazy. Way too high maintenance for you, Luke*”. Even later into the evening, I found out she slapped him. Oh, hell no. She was my friend, but this is my “baby brother”, whom I’ve known a lot longer and have a lot more respect and love for. I told her to leave, and luckily after that night he wised up and discontinued whatever was starting there. Phew.
It wasn’t until about a year and a half ago, I noticed over Facebook that he had officially found a girlfriend. At first, I was really happy for him. Until that point, he had seemed to want a girlfriend, but had never found one. There wasn’t any reason why he shouldn’t have had one either. My baby brother is very good looking, very funny, fun to be with and has the biggest heart of any good looking, funny guy I’ve known. I did the usual overprotective sisterly thing and scoped her out a bit. Did I think he could do better? Yes. But was I saying this just because I was overprotective or did I really not think she was good enough? They also annoyingly posted their love all over Facebook for everyone to see which also made me raise my eyebrow. Still, I had to be happy because he seemed happy. And despite my doubts about her, she hadn’t done anything yet to make me dislike her. Yet.
Several months after they went public, I got a call from Luke out of the blue. I’m telling you people, don’t fuck with my intuition. Turns out, this girl was emotionally, mentally, verbally and physically abusive towards him. She cheated on him, would leave him, then come back, and lie to him on a constant basis. The mind games and tricks she would play on him were insane. She deleted every female friend off of his Facebook account as well as isolated him from his friends AND family. (She told off his whole family — racial slurs included — in their house and made him leave with her.) As he teetered on the edge of staying with her or leaving her (he also became emotionally attached to her child), I begged him to leave. I let him know that just because someone says they love you, does not mean they do. And certainly those types of actions are not out of love. They come from someone who is emotionally unstable and needs help of their own before they even begin to attempt to love someone. I did and said everything I could to impart as much wisdom on my baby bro as possible but inevitably the decision was his and he chose to stay.
When someone close to you goes through this – you never know what to do. She deleted me from his FB and phone and then tried to re-add me on their joint account. I chose not to add it. Was I doing the right thing? I don’t know. I just know I wanted nothing to do with her. Anyone who hurts anyone closest to me does not deserve my attention or time, and if they force it upon me then it will always end badly.
Recently, Luke got in contact with me and as it turns out he has been broken up with her for a while now and is getting his life back on track. He has mended things with his family and now spends more time with his friends. After finding all this out, I thought to myself Thank Buddha he got out before he knocked her up.
*Ahem*. I thought too soon.
He got out, but not before knocking her up. Nope, of course not. It just can’t be that simple, can it?
OK guys out there: Imagine the craziest girl you’ve ever dated or came close to dating — Imagine that you got her knocked up and now you’re tied to her for the rest of your kid’s life. The rest of YOUR life.
Don’t. Stick. Your. Dick. In. Crazy!
On a serious note — if you know someone going through a similar situation or you are going through it yourself, you need to find a way out or get that person help. No one that “loves” someone will ever try to isolate them from friends and family, play twisted mind games with them, or verbally/physically assault them on a regular basis. I don’t think it would be too far of a stretch to say that most of us will experience this type of relationship in varying degrees at least once in our lives, I know I have. The outcome of whether or not it gets too far is totally up to you. Sure, love and relationships take work – but they should never be an emotional roller coaster. So please take heed my words of caution.
And don’t stick your dick in crazy.