The Long and the Short of it Is…

Remember back when I went on a little tirade about guys and the desperate zone?  Well ladies out there, now it’s your turn to be in the hot seat for a little “talking-to” by none other than yours truly.

I hear a lot of women (and sometimes, even myself) complain about not being able to find a guy that measures up to their “high standards”. Sometimes I have to ask what they consider standards, because some of these so-called standards are just ridiculous.

Take for instance a friend of mine who I love dearly, but has some of the most bizarre “standards” I’ve seen.  I’m not going to say her standards are ridiculously high, because they’re not. I’ve seen her turn down nice, good looking, respectable, guys and go for better looking guys who happen to be assholes that treat her like crap.  If her standards were at all high, she wouldn’t for one minute accept how some of the guys she has dated act.

After reading a post by my favorite Badass regarding height – it occurred to me that most of the women I talk to list certain heights as “requirements”. He can’t be shorter than 6′.  He has to be at least 2″ taller than me when I have heels on.

REALLY!? Really? Really.

C’mon, let’s think about this for a second:

Since when has a person’s height had ANYTHING to do with the things that matter? Like if he’ll treat you well, make you laugh, have good conversations with you or even give you great sex!?  Give me a one good reason, ladies, that being short has anything do with that without putting your own insecurities out there.

We can’t sit back and blame men for making us not feel pretty enough, not thin enough or sexy enough if we have the same superficial standards we *think* they have (which I’m finding, most don’t).

Case in point: My dad.  My dad is tough, gruff, intimidating.  He’s a guys-guy who played sports, watches sports, into cars, drinks beer, listens to classic rock, hunts, fishes, owns guns, and takes good care of his family.  He three daughters and no sons and still remains the epitome of masculinity in American society.  He also happens to be shorter than me.  He claims to be 5’6″ (but my mom and I are pretty sure he probably runs more along the line of 5’4″-5’5″).  I never think of my dad as “short”. I’m also sure the reason my mom fell in love with him and continued to be with him for 25 years or his ability to take care of her and our family had nothing to do with his height.

Whenever I get the “he’s not tall enough” spiel from a girl, I know that she either hasn’t given him a real chance or she’s not really into him but can’t find a rational reason other than throwing out some out-of-date requirement.  Get over it ladies.

OK short guys, sometimes you’re not complete angels either. This height insecurity/stereotype/cliche/whatever it is isn’t solely on the girls.  I’ve seen plenty of girls (and have known a couple) out and about with their men and they’re a considerable difference in height. I understand it might be hard for you to handle a girl who is taller than you so I’m here to give it to you simply: Man up.

I was a freshman in high school and had recently broken up with my boyfriend (who happened to be a couple inches shorter than me!).   Part of the reason we broke up is that I started developing a crush on Vinh (name changed!) and didn’t want to be attached if anything were to happen (to be completely honest, I was a bit of a serial dater…more on that later).  On my 15th birthday, Vinh sent me a dozen roses and balloons with a cute little card attached to them.  My birthday is just a few days before valentines day so to return the favor, I ordered him one of those flowers they hand out at school on Valentines Day.

On the day of Valentines Day, Vinh came up to me in the hall with the cheap flower in hand.  He asked me if he could meet me after school the following day, and I agreed.  Since the following day was a half-day and he had asked me to meet him, I decided to dress up a little.  I wore a skirt and some heels and put a little more effort into what I looked like that day – despite the fact it was a game day, and usually on game days I wore my basketball warmup gear.

I waited for him outside the gym after school like he told me to.  He walked up to me, said I looked beautiful and engaged in small talk.  He then told me he had to leave. I wracked my brain for weeks why he would tell me to wait for him after school and then have nothing important to do or say.  Finally a few weeks later I got the nerve to confront him (over AIM, of course) about why he did that.

“I was going to ask you to be my girlfriend.  But then I saw you in heels.  You were too tall for me.”

Wow.  I had never had a problem dating or liking a shorter guy and those shorter guys had never had a problem with me, either. It was really sad to me that two people who really liked each other were kept a part by simple insecurities. AND – we were the same height when I didn’t wear heels!

The fact is, no one likes discrimination.  Everyone wants a chance – and I feel that height is something neither men or women should be ruled out automatically for. Let’s pretend plastic surgery doesn’t exist for a second and think about something you don’t like about yourself that unfortunately you can’t change.  How would you feel if someone said “oh, I don’t date girls with bumps on the bridge of their noses.”? or “I don’t date brunettes” or “I don’t date people with small ears” or whatever your insecurity revolves around.  My guess is not very good.

I’ve been discriminated over something I can’t change a few times.  I always figure if a person is going to discriminate you over something then f*ck ’em. No, not literally. You know what I mean! Who wants a rotten apple, anyway?

And to you discriminators…stop being rotten apples.

That is all.

8 thoughts on “The Long and the Short of it Is…

  1. How can I NOT love this post? See, if there were more people like you around me growing up, I think I would have had a very different childhood / adolescence. Being a short person, if you complain about height discrimination, people always assume you’re just talking about yourself. That and the fact that all I’m trying to do is guilt people into going out with me. Of course I find that laughable, but nobody wants to be thought of as vain and discriminating. People get a bit defensive because in the end it really is personal preference. It just tends to be a very common, very widely accepted personal preference! Wish I could say it shouldn’t matter, but like I outlined in my blog…you can’t change perception.

    Me, I don’t mind taller women. I think they are just as beautiful as shorter women. I have no preference on that. I think it depends on if a woman can make me laugh, or if they are confident in their own skin, but being short, every woman I’ve ever dated has been taller than me. Heels will crank you up even higher. I don’t care. I just appreciate that you want to look more beautiful just for me.

    Love love love the post, B. Thanks for the shoutout.

    • Of course – you deserve any shot out I can give you.

      And preference is a big deal. I prefer guys with short hair, broad shoulders, Asian-American and a stomach that will eat anything as fast as I can cook it. Do I always date that? No. Because once in a while there’s a picky eating white guy with a shoulder span smaller than mine that will make me fall for him because of who he is on the inside. That he looks out for me, makes sure I’m safe, cares about me, and is someone I can trust. I’ve learned some hard lessons about letting preferences get in the way of what’s real and I’d hate to see my own friends do the same.

      By the way I dig the gravatar pic. So fancy, handsome!

      • Awww! Thanks! Friend of mine in Asbury Park is a professional photographer and I asked her for a photo shoot as well as some headshots for my acting gigs. She really has a knack for finding wonderful places. I even had like 4 different changes of costume. Oye…I swear, if I didn’t belong in the theater, I have no idea where I’m supposed to be! I think I mentioned that to a friend of mine and he said “Drag Queen” but he’s also one fabulous gay.

        By the way, your guy preference is basically me, which honestly makes me believe I was born on the wrong coast. If there are more women who thought like you over in the east, I’d be set! Haha!

      • If you weren’t in the theater, you could be in Hollywood! At least that would get you on the right coast. 😉 In which case, if that ever happens, and you somehow end up in a movie or something with either John Cho or Brian Tee then YOU MUST let me visit you and introduce me despite the fact you don’t even know me. I’m begging for this hypothetical situation to be approved. Man, I’d die.

        Anyway…One of my very best friends just moved to NYC and she’s constantly complaining about the Asian population over there in general. She doesn’t like the way they act, the Vietnamese food isn’t like home, etc. When I joke about her scouting me out a man she says “They’re not like the ones you like, dude.”

        My preferences are still somewhat rare, but they’re getting a lot more popular these days it seems. I don’t know if it’s the kids now that just don’t care or what but I think in general, the West Coast is a lot more relaxed.

  2. The world never ceases to amaze me with its overwhelming incompetence. However, every once in a while, you come across something that shines above that incompetence. This blog entry is one of those shining moments. You have shown depth to be able to illuminate the darkness that keeps this world cold. Really, when we put height barriers in our way, we are only hurting ourselves because we could be missing out on a lifetime of love, based on measurements on a ruler instead of everything that is real.

    It is true that if men reject women on these grounds, they need to man up. However, remember that a short guy is the one who is looked at as the loser in situations where his gf is taller. People say things like “She can’t really like him,” “she settled for a short guy,” “he can’t protect her,” and all kinds of other nonsense. So, it’s a little tougher on him than it is the woman in the situation. So even though, he needs to man-up for sure, society needs to wise-up even more so. Besides, us short guys who do man-up have a strength that can’t always be matched because we become successful regardless of how bad society views us

    You are definitely part of the solution though, so you deserve all of the happiness that you can stand, regardless of the height of any man you’re with. Equality and elimination of prejudice is a beautiful thing and those who have the depth to help fight for those things, have unwavering beauty.

    You have done the world a great service by writing this. Thank you!

  3. Pingback: My Dad. | This One B.

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