Smitten Kitten: The Curse of the School-Girl Crush

After us girls are able to distinguish he from she, we first begin to believe that boys have cooties, are gross, “drool” while we “rule” or “go to Jupiter to get more stupider”.  There is nothing that they can do right, and nothing they can do better than us.  During that period, young boys either fight these taunts or ignore young girls altogether.

Then eventually these boys and girls grow up and start to actually like each other.

“You mean like me? or like-like me?”
Well, Kevin, Paul and Winnie…I mean like-like.

Depending on the personality of a girl she can either be forthcoming about liking a guy or she can be shy.  I think at least one point in every girl’s life she gets shy (no matter how outgoing she usually is) and develops a “school girl crush”.  You know the deal: can’t look him in the eye, can’t speak a coherent sentence, imagines him as the star of every romcom she watches, giggles a little too much over him with her friends and laughs a little too hard at his jokes – the thought of him even knowing about her crush terrifies and embarrasses her. Yet, she still holds her breath waiting for the moment he sits next to her on the bus or smiles at something she stammers out or says her name in the hall.

Then, all of us girls grow up and eventually we get over the phase in our life when that happens most.  We become adults.  When we like a guy, we let him know it either up front or through deliberate flirting.  When we get asked out by said guy, we say yes instead of “Uhhhh I don’t know…*GIGGLE* Let me think about it!” We understand that a guy with beautiful eyes and a nice smile does not walk on water and that those nerdy guys are probably more valuable. We stop writing our first names with their last names (at least I hope you women have!!). We’re (hopefully) a tad more confident and might even ask a guy or two out ourselves! We’ve got the hang of it and we’re doing OK!

Until it happens. Just like that. With a blink of an eye you’re back at square one. Some dude comes waltzing through the door of your life with a beautiful smile, fun-loving attitude and so much charisma you don’t even know where he stores it.  You don’t know what it is about this guy that reverts you back to your 13-year-old self, bashfully smiling and giggling, stumbling over your words and losing your ability to look him in the eyes but he does.  Omg, his smile. Smiling at me. Omg, I hope my smile back wasn’t too cheesy. What if there’s something in my teeth? What if I look horrible today? He’s talking to me for more than five minutes…what do I say? Okay, stay cool. Just nod your head and smile. Laugh when you think he’s making a joke. HAHA! Oh wait, that wasn’t a joke. Shit. Shit. Do I try amend that? Oh, God. I sound like an idiot. I should have just played the laugh off. He’s talking about something he thinks I should know.  Should I pretend I know? What if he catches me? Change subject? Oh thank God here comes someone else to save me. You’ve suddenly lost all “rawr, woman.” confidence you’d gained since adolescence.

See, as adults we can have crushes all we like, but what separates those from school-girl crushes is the fact that school-girl crushes are just sad.  Pure, steaming pile of pathetic.

He said "HI" TO YOU?! OMG. It's LOVE!

It has always been my opinion that school-girl crushes in adulthood are when we know there is no absolute way the other party feels the same way about us. So, we spend our time waiting for moments to make ourselves feel better about it.  Like saying to your girlfriends over drinks “he sat next to ME at the group picnic.  He could have sat next to fat Filbert or stinky Suzy if he wanted.” or “he walked with JUST me from the party to my car, which was like, five blocks!”, or “he talked to JUST me for an hour and a half the other day!” or “he laughed, like, SUPER hard at a joke I said that wasn’t even that funny!” Yet there’s never any story about the guy asking us to hang out one on one. When it’s you, you’re oblivious to how you’re sounding but when you’re the friend of a girl with a girl-school crush, you oooh and aww with her but really you’re thinking I’m pretty sure you said these exact things before…when we were 14. You can always try and encourage her to start something up but she will always vote against it because in her mind she knows it would never happen.  I always wonder what would happen if the dude did.  Would she (or I) just pass out from shock? Spasm maybe?

Maybe I’m completely wrong though. Has anyone had a relationship that started out as adulthood school-girl crush status? Do you have a school-girl crush right now?

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4 thoughts on “Smitten Kitten: The Curse of the School-Girl Crush

  1. I think it’s tough to establish a relationship when it starts with one person putting the other on a pedestal. Then again, I guess there is someone for everyone so maybe I have no idea what I’m talking about.

    • No, I totally agree. I’ve never seen a successful (key word successful) relationship where one person puts the other on a pedestal. And if you do, at least don’t say or make it seem like you do!

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